Monday, January 26, 2009
Signs That Your Date Is Not The One
After enduring weeks of single girl sympathy, you finally agreed to let your cousin set you up with that "great guy" she knows. Since you said yes, you figure you might as well make the most of it and keep an open mind. But, just in case, you ask your best friend to call your cell about a half hour into the date so you can fake an emergency if needed.
Actually, it's not even faking. Bad dates are emergencies. However, lucky for you, there are warning signs that the person you are out with is, and always will be, a terrible date. If you are unlucky enough to experience any of them first hand, make sure to answer your friend's call saying, "Oh no! That's terrible! I'll be right over."
This one is pretty basic. If a guy doesn't have enough enthusiasm for the date to actually show up on time, you shouldn't expect to be impressed by the rest of the night. Obviously, there are times when you just can't help it, but he'd better have a good reason if he shows up at your door even 15 minutes late.
He's Not Dressed to Impress
You've spent hours on your hair and a pile of rejected clothes covers your bed. You are finally dressed to the nines in the perfect outfit and ready for the evening. You open the door and are surprised to be greeted by your date in torn jeans and a stained t-shirt. You doubt he's washed his hair today (or yesterday). You expected a nice night out and he shows up looking like he's dressed for a monster truck rally.
He Takes you to a Monster Truck Rally
Original and unique first dates are a great way to stand out from the rest of the fish in the sea, but there are exceptions. He should at least do a little research into your style before he plans an unusual activity. Sure, he might really love hot dogs and monster trucks, but if you were thinking fine dining and theatre, there's bound to be trouble.
The fact that he didn't bother to ask your opinion beforehand (or at least get the matchmaker's thoughts on the plan) doesn't bode well for how he's going to respect your needs and wants in the future.
He Expects You to Pay
It's not absolutely necessary that he pick up the check. Along with all those useful freedoms like voting, the feminist movement also brought us the responsibility of at least offering to pay for half the date. Most guys still think it's chivalrous to pick up the tab for the first date and there's nothing wrong with indulging his male ego (after an appropriate amount of protesting of course).
No girl is expecting a man to drop a fortune on a first date, but a guy who expects you to pay for everything without lifting a finger to open his own wallet doesn't give off the impression that he cares much what you think of him. In fact, he probably won't see a second date (and maybe not even the end of the first one). A good rule of thumb for payment is: whoever asks for the date, pays for the date.
He Talks About his Ex
So maybe you escaped the monster truck rally, but instead of choking on exhaust fumes and standing in a sea of drunken mullets, you get to hear all about his wonderful or horrible ex-girlfriend. Bonus trouble points if he had a nasty breakup and insists on sharing the details with you.
If he refers to his ex even once with a derogatory insult that you wouldn't call your worst enemy, run for the hills now. It's not a good sign if he can't say anything nice about the last woman with whom he had a significant relationship.
How Can I Put This.? He's a Weirdo.
Yes, it's time to weed out those with personal quirks that you find distasteful or generally unacceptable. This will be different for every woman of course (some chicks really dig witchcraft, guys that live with their moms or Dungeons and Dragons enthusiasts). Regardless, that tight knot that is forming in your stomach while you listen to his ideas, habits and activities, should not be ignored.
Awkward Moments vs. Awkward Hours
When he's not filling you in on his wacky life, the conversation stalls into silence or unintelligible grunting. It's normal to have a little awkwardness or difficulty getting conversation to flow in the beginning of a first date, but if after a few minutes, he still can't think of a single question to ask about your life or keep up with the conversation, it's time to call it a night.
If it's twenty minutes in and you've run out of things to talk about, you probably don't have much of a future together.